Sep 022012
 

What’s so great about reality anyhow? Rules, obligations, truth, reality…

I love to be entertained; it could be the ADHD that I always have to be entertained or I go mad, but nothing entertains me better than the world of fantasy. Oh the places you can go, the people you can see, the adventures you can have! The world of fantasy; mystical, dark, light, funny, sad, adventurous, seductive, and limitless. Fantasy beats reality any day.

Could I lose myself to the world of fantasy? Could my mind become so enthralled in the euphoria that is the bliss of fantasy? I get lost in hours of a show that is everything I could want in a fantasy: new, different, sexy, and hilarious.
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Jun 042012
 

More often than not lately, I have been having an extreme sense of deja vu. I feel like I have repeated the past few weeks; like I have been here before…done that. I don’t like the feeling of deja vu. It unsettles me; it makes me feel less real. I don’t like to feel so detached from reality. I did a Google search to find out how to stop deja vu or why I feel deja vu so strongly, and I did not find answers that satisfied my curiosity too well. Everyone wants to explain deja vu away as a feeling that people have but is not true. To me, deja vu makes more sense as a reality: why is it impossible that we may have experienced the same experiences before? Why is it so impossible that maybe we are repeating life in hopes to do something better the next time? The only problem I find is that the deja vu only occurs (as true to deja vu form) in the instance of the experience so how can we have any time to change something as it is happening? The deed is done, the feelings had, thoughts thought, and so forth; this is why I don’t like the feeling of deja vu. I’d rather go on in an oblivion as to whether or not I’m doing the same thing over and over doomed to repeat it. My life is not too horrible, but it feels awful to have a feeling that no matter what I do, I may be repeating it again.
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Jan 262012
 

Sometimes I want to cry because I need to. Sometimes I don’t want to cry because I don’t need to. Sometimes I cry too much. Sometimes I want to cry because I need to.

I can’t stop now, but a good cry is cleansing. A good, deep, soulful cry; the one that comes from the broken heart. Or when sorrow is actualized. In this case, maybe both.
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Jan 252012
 

Pride can motivate men to do good just as it can trip men into bad. The measure of a good man is one that knows when to be proud or motivated by pride, and when to be humble.

To have pride in one’s work is to feel a sense of accomplishment- to feel achieved. Pride in one’s work moves man to do better. To be proud of anything in a positive manner is to evoke happiness.
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Oct 292011
 

I am no fool. I’m smarter than many people give me credit for and I see more than people give me credit for. I’m tired of people treating me like a child and like I don’t know wtf is going on; I know. I know more than I let on because I know it is a waste of my time and energy otherwise; sometimes I waste the energy to prove a point. I’m not a moron. And I’m tired of being treated like one.

Oct 132011
 

Dying inside
Nowhere to hide
Escape from inner me?

Not even confused
‘Bout what I should do
But selfish I tend to be.

Want them so bad
Oh isn’t it sad
The things that I will do?

Cuz though it sounds sappy
They just make you happy
Even if their love is not you.

But when does it end
These feelings you fend
Your heart you try to deny?

Get lost in their being
Never believing
This love is ever a lie.

Why do they gel
And fit you so well
Like something out of a dream?

Maybe that love
Is not from above
And it’s time to change my team.

How is it so
I just want to know
That their soul is not mated to yours?

I’m stuck in a trance
Not given a chance
The truth my heart ignores.

Why does this destiny
Just seem to mess with me
When my feelings are so pure?

I’m trapped in my dreams
Falling it seems
The truth I tend to obscure.

Why can’t I just stop
My heart’s final flop
And open my eyes up to see?

But no attention I pay
To reality’s way
That says we’ll never be.