Dec 252012
 

I’m not the best at staying a consistent blogger; it’s not that I don’t want to write every day, but some days, weeks, and even months are busier than others. A good sign, no doubt, because it means that I am living life or accomplishing something most of the time, but sometimes I am not doing anything. I enjoy the holidays because they keep me busy, but at the same time, they give me more free time. Merry Christmas to anyone who happens upon this post; I write for myself with the secondary thought that perhaps others can relate to what I have to say. Perhaps others can gain more ‘sense’ of what they are trying to figure out. After all, if I have done a part of the legwork for you, you are further along the path than I was.
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 Posted by at 7:38 AM
Dec 112012
 

As if we have to have a meaning to live, we question at times what the meaning of life is. Not to take away from the fact that life is only produced out of procreation and a natural cycle that enables existence (obviously), but many, if not all, people want to know what our purpose here is.

Some mean to ask our purpose as a group of people whereas others mean it personally to say what is my individual purpose for existing. We of course know how we came to be and literally why, but we find ourselves questioning what we, the named individuals that we are, are meant to do with our lives.
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Dec 072012
 

I think I’m pretty awesome. I am not as super talented as some of my friends and family, but I am a good friend, funny, kind, and pretty darn good at problem solving! I’m awesome in being myself. I am not cocky about who I am, and I don’t try to demean others to uplift myself more, but I am confident that who I am is enough to be a good friend, sister, and lover.
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Dec 062012
 

Some people can look at a couple and wonder what one was thinking in getting with the other; they judge by the outer appearances. They see what their narrow minds show them. Judging eyes.

I’ve been guilty of judging my reaction to someone based on their appearances; that is, I have been guilty of not thinking I can be attracted to someone based on their appearances. Not that they are ugly by any means, but that I would not feel the chemistry. After all, why waste the energy if the chemistry is not going to be there? Some people make better friends than lovers; if I can gauge which goes into which category best, I can gauge how much effort I will put to them. Not to say that lovers get more text time or friends get more face time and vice versa, but rather that if you can only fit in the “lovers” category, and I don’t want you as a friend, I don’t have to put any effort. Yet if you can only fit in the “friends” category, I’m not gonna spend the extra effort to let you know I’m thinking about you either. šŸ˜‰

It makes sense in my head. In my head, I am still wrong; I make rash decisions and mistakes, but I don’t give up because of a bad break.
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Dec 052012
 

I saw an article a few weeks ago about a professional cuddler; the comments on the article went primarily in the direction of ‘prostitute’, but it is not until the past couple of days that I truly understand the ‘service’ she offers. I crave to be held–intimate touch, but not in the sense of being sexual. I want to be close to someone and feel comforted by their touch. I feel so anxious lately for no apparent reason; I find myself just craving to be held. I want to sit in someone’s arms. I want the old school make-out session: no sex required. I want an all-day-movie-thon curled up under the covers. Spoon. Touch. Feel.
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Dec 042012
 

**Note: ThisĀ will jump around. I can’t spit this word vomit out in any other way that makes sense right now because I can’t make sense of it in my head. I can’t make sense of it so I must write it out as I think it. Perhaps I will come back to it and modify it to a better flow, but for now, pure word vomit is all I can offer.**

More than once recently I have heard it said that “everything happens for a reason.” I’m still not sure where I stand on the issue. In discussing the idea of “free willĀ vs fate/determinism”, I have run into this concept before.

I can’t seem to wrap my head around what I think because it always seems to create a paradox in my mind. I run in circles right back to start. I can reconcile that we are the effects of a first cause, but not that our effects are with an effectual purpose/reason.
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Dec 032012
 

I will be 31 years old in a few months. This does not depress me at all. I am not one of those women who thinks age is aĀ hindranceĀ or a representative of what I should have been or could be doing. I am not one of those women who thinks XYZ should be happening or already happened. Rather, I am still in awe in how I amĀ ever-changing; I do notĀ settle. I know that I can be better than myself.

Over the years, many have misjudged me; they have assumed they know me or that they know who I am. Reading this blog, one could assume I am a depressed, lost soul. One could assume I am a lovesick puppy who pines over lost love. One could assume that I live in a fantasy world because I prefer it to reality. One could assume I’m a recluse. Solitary. Abandoned. Continue reading »