Oct 22

Hurts So Bad

I have never hurt so much in my life. I feel so alone. Completely despite being less alone than ever. I feel alone. My heart is so heavy. I can’t stop from crying. Feel like dying. Want to die.

How am I self-centered? Someone please God tell me? I see strangers and want to help them/hope they have someone to help them, but I am self-centered? I make decisions with everyone else in mind, but I am self-centered? I can’t take a compliment if it’s not in jest, but I am self-centered? I hang on everyone else’s words, but I am self-centered?

I don’t get it. And hate that I never know how people really feel about me until it’s just the shittiest time for shit to come out. I mean, fuck, I feel like [know that] I lost my best friend and more than that, my whole.

And now my world is wrong. But it’s got to be. I can’t stop loving her so I gotta let her go.

But I’m self-centered….right?


[Note: Facetious ramblings in a saddened state…I amĀ not self-centered nor am I seeking validation.]

Oct 13

Dying Inside

Dying inside
Nowhere to hide
Escape from inner me?

Not even confused
‘Bout what I should do
But selfish I tend to be.

Want them so bad
Oh isn’t it sad
The things that I will do?

Cuz though it sounds sappy
They just make you happy
Even if their love is not you.

But when does it end
These feelings you fend
Your heart you try to deny?

Get lost in their being
Never believing
This love is ever a lie.

Why do they gel
And fit you so well
Like something out of a dream?

Maybe that love
Is not from above
And it’s time to change my team.

How is it so
I just want to know
That their soul is not mated to yours?

I’m stuck in a trance
Not given a chance
The truth my heart ignores.

Why does this destiny
Just seem to mess with me
When my feelings are so pure?

I’m trapped in my dreams
Falling it seems
The truth I tend to obscure.

Why can’t I just stop
My heart’s final flop
And open my eyes up to see?

But no attention I pay
To reality’s way
That says we’ll never be.