Jan 032012
 

Most of the times, the reason I want to be outside of existence is because it hurts too much to be in it. Most of the times, I am just that depressed. It sucks that that is how I am lately, but I am dealing with it best I can on my own. It’s the other times where it even is even more than just a thought.
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Oct 222011
 

I have never hurt so much in my life. I feel so alone. Completely despite being less alone than ever. I feel alone. My heart is so heavy. I can’t stop from crying. Feel like dying. Want to die.

How am I self-centered? Someone please God tell me? I see strangers and want to help them/hope they have someone to help them, but I am self-centered? I make decisions with everyone else in mind, but I am self-centered? I can’t take a compliment if it’s not in jest, but I am self-centered? I hang on everyone else’s words, but I am self-centered?

I don’t get it. And hate that I never know how people really feel about me until it’s just the shittiest time for shit to come out. I mean, fuck, I feel like [know that] I lost my best friend and more than that, my whole.

And now my world is wrong. But it’s got to be. I can’t stop loving her so I gotta let her go.

But I’m self-centered….right?

 

[Note: Facetious ramblings in a saddened state…I amĀ not self-centered nor am I seeking validation.]