I think I’m pretty awesome. I am not as super talented as some of my friends and family, but I am a good friend, funny, kind, and pretty darn good at problem solving! I’m awesome in being myself. I am not cocky about who I am, and I don’t try to demean others to uplift myself more, but I am confident that who I am is enough to be a good friend, sister, and lover.
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Some people can look at a couple and wonder what one was thinking in getting with the other; they judge by the outer appearances. They see what their narrow minds show them. Judging eyes.
I’ve been guilty of judging my reaction to someone based on their appearances; that is, I have been guilty of not thinking I can be attracted to someone based on their appearances. Not that they are ugly by any means, but that I would not feel the chemistry. After all, why waste the energy if the chemistry is not going to be there? Some people make better friends than lovers; if I can gauge which goes into which category best, I can gauge how much effort I will put to them. Not to say that lovers get more text time or friends get more face time and vice versa, but rather that if you can only fit in the “lovers” category, and I don’t want you as a friend, I don’t have to put any effort. Yet if you can only fit in the “friends” category, I’m not gonna spend the extra effort to let you know I’m thinking about you either. 😉
It makes sense in my head. In my head, I am still wrong; I make rash decisions and mistakes, but I don’t give up because of a bad break.
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I saw an article a few weeks ago about a professional cuddler; the comments on the article went primarily in the direction of ‘prostitute’, but it is not until the past couple of days that I truly understand the ‘service’ she offers. I crave to be held–intimate touch, but not in the sense of being sexual. I want to be close to someone and feel comforted by their touch. I feel so anxious lately for no apparent reason; I find myself just craving to be held. I want to sit in someone’s arms. I want the old school make-out session: no sex required. I want an all-day-movie-thon curled up under the covers. Spoon. Touch. Feel.
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Who falls in love at first sight? You can’t do that, I’ve always said; love at first convo, certainly, but love at first sight…hardly. But then there is my most favorite quote ever from a movie that is quite hilarious to me [love some British accents and the comedy is very well executed, lol] that really touches to home:
I think you know immediately. As soon as your eyes… Then everything that happens from then on just proves that you have been right in that first moment. When you suddenly realize that you were incomplete and now you are whole.
-Luce from the movie Imagine Me & You
What I like about this quote so much is that it makes sense! It validates love at first sight for me.
I love getting to know someone I feel a connection with and think could be the one. I love finding that with every new thing I learn about them, they prove to be even more wonderful than I first thought. Nobody’s perfect, but I crave the perfect imperfection that is finding joy and love in their imperfections–the imperfections that make them so unique and that much more lovable. I love falling into love.
Love at first sight may not be such an anomaly; perhaps I just haven’t been right.
The five love languages as discussed by author Gary Chapman include: words of affirmation, acts of service, gift giving, physical touch, and quality time. Intended as a marriage counseling aide, the initial book is related more to how to show your spouse you love them in a way that will speak to them, but the five love languages can be applied to how we show and receive love in general.
Words of Affirmation
Probably my least favorite love language to be spoken to with and second to last to use, words of affirmation are the praises or compliments you give to your spouse or loved one. They are the positive feedback you direct towards them alone. My problems with words, despite my love of manipulating the English language, is that words are easy to give and can be very hollow. I can find any word in a dictionary, but I’d be hard-pressed to find someone who would curl up on the couch and rub my shoulders or do the dishes after I cook a meal. Words can be given to anyone at a rapid rate, but gifts must be carefully chosen and given with less of a tempo. Words have multiple meanings and can be misunderstood. I love to hear that I am loved, that I am the amazing woman that I am, and that I make someone happy, but words without action annoy me more than anything. Continue reading
What’s so great about reality anyhow? Rules, obligations, truth, reality…
I love to be entertained; it could be the ADHD that I always have to be entertained or I go mad, but nothing entertains me better than the world of fantasy. Oh the places you can go, the people you can see, the adventures you can have! The world of fantasy; mystical, dark, light, funny, sad, adventurous, seductive, and limitless. Fantasy beats reality any day.
Could I lose myself to the world of fantasy? Could my mind become so enthralled in the euphoria that is the bliss of fantasy? I get lost in hours of a show that is everything I could want in a fantasy: new, different, sexy, and hilarious.
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There are three things you should always learn to say (and when):
Some people have a hard time telling others how they feel. It could be that they were chastised by their parents for expressing themselves when they were younger, and were therefor trained to keep their feelings private. It could be that they don’t actually feel anything for you. It could be that they are just that selfish/self-centered. It could be that they don’t know how to express their feelings.
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