If you have to lie to a friend, they cannot be much of a friend to begin with. Or not much of a friend to you. Not someone you would consider true friend. You don’t care much if you can lie to them.
You care even less when you allow the lies to settle. And fester. Grow. Hurt.
You care even less when your pride blinds you. A true friend knows humility. A best never has to be reminded of that fact.
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Pride can motivate men to do good just as it can trip men into bad. The measure of a good man is one that knows when to be proud or motivated by pride, and when to be humble.
To have pride in one’s work is to feel a sense of accomplishment- to feel achieved. Pride in one’s work moves man to do better. To be proud of anything in a positive manner is to evoke happiness.
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My heart hurts. It weeps. And it is heavy.
It is hard to be strong for someone else.
True love is knowing when to let go.
I ache. I weep. And I am tired.
I cannot carry the load alone.
I shouldn’t have to.
I loved. I lost.
The End.
I love to learn new things. I love to learn. I love to learn about myself. Or understand myself, really. I like being able to have answers to my questions.
The problem is, I don’t always trust myself either. I am still learning to do that. I am still learning what it means to trust myself and how. I am still learning how to be a healthy-minded adult. The problem is, I can convince myself of something if I keep at it long enough [as I am sure most of us can]. If something doesn’t add up, I have to make it fit. I know that that is a shortcoming of mine that I must overcome as well, but I figure I will do that by effect of learning to trust myself.
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I am fascinated with the human mind. Perhaps because I am constantly aware of many of my short-comings, but can never seem to overcome them. In my head, I know what needs to be done, I just don’t seem to follow through. Or I can’t stop myself. I can’t stop myself from investing in people despite no considerable gains. I can’t stop myself from being an asshole despite knowing that I am indeed an asshole [and therefor should not put myself in more positions to be one]. I can’t stop myself from having to have the truth out there despite knowing that I sound like a child. I can’t stop myself from sounding like a moron despite knowing I in fact sound like a moron. No BS; I sound so stupid sometimes that I just have to stop mid-stupidity just to stop from beating myself up mentally over sounding so stupid.
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And I don’t know how to stop.
I’m hurting, and I don’t know how to stop.
No one to talk to who would understand or not back-stab me.
Always so loyal I remain.
Bitch dog that I am.
Kick me, a bitch I remain.
But I can change.
People change.
No one likes change.
But I can change.
And learn to stop.
I have never hurt so much in my life. I feel so alone. Completely despite being less alone than ever. I feel alone. My heart is so heavy. I can’t stop from crying. Feel like dying. Want to die.
How am I self-centered? Someone please God tell me? I see strangers and want to help them/hope they have someone to help them, but I am self-centered? I make decisions with everyone else in mind, but I am self-centered? I can’t take a compliment if it’s not in jest, but I am self-centered? I hang on everyone else’s words, but I am self-centered?
I don’t get it. And hate that I never know how people really feel about me until it’s just the shittiest time for shit to come out. I mean, fuck, I feel like [know that] I lost my best friend and more than that, my whole.
And now my world is wrong. But it’s got to be. I can’t stop loving her so I gotta let her go.
But I’m self-centered….right?
[Note: Facetious ramblings in a saddened state…I am not self-centered nor am I seeking validation.]