I think I’m pretty awesome. I am not as super talented as some of my friends and family, but I am a good friend, funny, kind, and pretty darn good at problem solving! I’m awesome in being myself. I am not cocky about who I am, and I don’t try to demean others to uplift myself more, but I am confident that who I am is enough to be a good friend, sister, and lover.
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Every now and again, I like to read over past posts to see where my mind was and what I was thinking. In reading my Maddening post, I felt like I sounded a lot crazier than I was or even intended to sound. I realized then and still now that what I was writing sounded crazy and could technically be considered crazy (though the ‘psychotic’ connection we like to make with the word is our own making, and not Psychologically sound at all), but I am not clinically crazy/troubled/insane or anything along those lines. Stressed, yes. Burned out, yes. Anxious, yes. But crazy I am not. And not to say that I am trying to justify myself or clarify that I am not crazy when I actually am (as many mentally deficient people tend to do), but to say that I do have a clear knowledge of right and wrong and can control my actions accordingly. I may make decisions that in hindsight are volatile or the wrong decisions, but in the moment, even if my logic is flawed, I am still taking calculated risks. In the moments even, I know that I will regret some decisions later, but I truly have lived by the mantra that ‘you only live once’ and you should therefore try almost anything once and/or live with no regrets. While I do live with some regrets, I learn more and more that I need to do more and think less to avoid adding more regrets.