Sometimes I want to cry because I need to. Sometimes I don’t want to cry because I don’t need to. Sometimes I cry too much. Sometimes I want to cry because I need to.
I can’t stop now, but a good cry is cleansing. A good, deep, soulful cry; the one that comes from the broken heart. Or when sorrow is actualized. In this case, maybe both.
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My heart hurts. It weeps. And it is heavy.
It is hard to be strong for someone else.
True love is knowing when to let go.
I ache. I weep. And I am tired.
I cannot carry the load alone.
I shouldn’t have to.
I loved. I lost.
The End.
I am an Aquarius on the cusp of Pisces. I love to read up on Astrology and my sign and what it means in terms of who I am to be on the cusp. It fascinates me that who I am can be defined so well by Astrology.
In reading about my ADHD and again about the cusp and what it means about me, I find that I am who I am. I am defined.
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When I was younger, I saw psychiatrists, psychologists, and therapists against my will. It started in 7th grade when my mother started taking my sister and I to see a psychiatrist. We saw that quack for almost 3 years until my mom made it where I could no longer stay in the care of my parents. I don’t know if they still continued to see the quack, but when I went into foster care, I had to see a psychiatrist and/or therapist depending on where I was placed at the time.
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Dying inside
Nowhere to hide
Escape from inner me?
Not even confused
‘Bout what I should do
But selfish I tend to be.
Want them so bad
Oh isn’t it sad
The things that I will do?
Cuz though it sounds sappy
They just make you happy
Even if their love is not you.
But when does it end
These feelings you fend
Your heart you try to deny?
Get lost in their being
Never believing
This love is ever a lie.
Why do they gel
And fit you so well
Like something out of a dream?
Maybe that love
Is not from above
And it’s time to change my team.
How is it so
I just want to know
That their soul is not mated to yours?
I’m stuck in a trance
Not given a chance
The truth my heart ignores.
Why does this destiny
Just seem to mess with me
When my feelings are so pure?
I’m trapped in my dreams
Falling it seems
The truth I tend to obscure.
Why can’t I just stop
My heart’s final flop
And open my eyes up to see?
But no attention I pay
To reality’s way
That says we’ll never be.
Love somebody with all of your heart. Don’t just be in love with the idea of love. Get to know someone. Take your time. Tomorrow may not be guaranteed, but do you really want to waste years on lust or the love of love? The slower, the better. It’s such a grand adventure getting to know that special someone– getting to see new aspects of who they are and what they like. When you find yourself smiling just thinking about them, the idea of their touch makes your body melt, and you can be in the same room saying nothing at all and still have a good time, you may have found someone you can love with all your heart. Would you do anything short of denying yourself? Would you even have to deny yourself? Your love should just ‘fit’. Don’t play games. Life is indeed too short for that. Love whole-heartedly, intentionally, and with respect. Love somebody truly with all your heart.