Most of the times, the reason I want to be outside of existence is because it hurts too much to be in it. Most of the times, I am just that depressed. It sucks that that is how I am lately, but I am dealing with it best I can on my own. It’s the other times where it even is even more than just a thought.
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I started the New Year reading. Meds help. I can read more easily, but what I really missed was the fact that I was losing my ability to ‘grasp’ anything anymore. It seems to be coming back. Meds help.
My childhood was not the best; it was not the worst, but it sucked more often than not.
I was an emotional wreck in High School and for a few years after High School because it hurt that I had to go back into Foster Care because the damn system couldn’t place me with a nice family to begin with. I felt robbed. Like no one cared to begin with, and they certainly didn’t care to fix their mistake.
This was true, of course, for both my adopted parents and the ‘system’ in my eyes.
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I was adopted a little before my third birthday. I know it to be true, but remember it more because my foster mom had given me a birthday gift before I left and wished me happy birthday before I went to live with my new family.
My sister and I were adopted together. The way my adopted mom tells it, we took a little to adjust; we wouldn’t eat much for two weeks, but finally one night we had fried chicken and I supposedly told my sister ‘let’s eat’ and so we did. My sister and I were like best friends growing up; sure, we fought and maybe more than other good sisters did, but we had each others’ back and we confided in each other. Home videos show my sister copying me, us having fun, and memories are great when thinking of my sister and other sister that we later adopted with us [totally cool to get another sister our age to play with!].
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