Oct 25

In God We Trusted

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When, in the course of human events, it becomes necessary for one people to dissolve the political bands which have connected them with another, and to assume among the powers of the earth, the separate and equal station to which the laws of nature and of nature’s God entitle them, a decent respect to the opinions of mankind requires that they should declare the causes which impel them to the separation.
We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness

The US Currency (including the updated version) has the words ‘In God We Trust’.
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Oct 23

Safe

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Hoping for death
Praying for rain
To conceal these tokens
That reveal my pain

Leave them alone
As it should be
No more hurting
Because of me

Never quite know
How much I care
But hope it’s clear
I’ll always be there.

Oct 22

Hurts So Bad

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I have never hurt so much in my life. I feel so alone. Completely despite being less alone than ever. I feel alone. My heart is so heavy. I can’t stop from crying. Feel like dying. Want to die.

How am I self-centered? Someone please God tell me? I see strangers and want to help them/hope they have someone to help them, but I am self-centered? I make decisions with everyone else in mind, but I am self-centered? I can’t take a compliment if it’s not in jest, but I am self-centered? I hang on everyone else’s words, but I am self-centered?

I don’t get it. And hate that I never know how people really feel about me until it’s just the shittiest time for shit to come out. I mean, fuck, I feel like [know that] I lost my best friend and more than that, my whole.

And now my world is wrong. But it’s got to be. I can’t stop loving her so I gotta let her go.

But I’m self-centered….right?

 

[Note: Facetious ramblings in a saddened state…I am not self-centered nor am I seeking validation.]

Oct 13

Dying Inside

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Dying inside
Nowhere to hide
Escape from inner me?

Not even confused
‘Bout what I should do
But selfish I tend to be.

Want them so bad
Oh isn’t it sad
The things that I will do?

Cuz though it sounds sappy
They just make you happy
Even if their love is not you.

But when does it end
These feelings you fend
Your heart you try to deny?

Get lost in their being
Never believing
This love is ever a lie.

Why do they gel
And fit you so well
Like something out of a dream?

Maybe that love
Is not from above
And it’s time to change my team.

How is it so
I just want to know
That their soul is not mated to yours?

I’m stuck in a trance
Not given a chance
The truth my heart ignores.

Why does this destiny
Just seem to mess with me
When my feelings are so pure?

I’m trapped in my dreams
Falling it seems
The truth I tend to obscure.

Why can’t I just stop
My heart’s final flop
And open my eyes up to see?

But no attention I pay
To reality’s way
That says we’ll never be.

Oct 05

Not Lost, But Not Found

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My problem is not that I am depressed with things I cannot have or things that will never be. It’s that I’m depressed with things that are. I don’t like where I am and I don’t like having regrets.

I regret leaving home, I regret not focusing more on my studies in school, I regret sacrificing for others, I regret missed opportunities, and I regret not acting on my feelings given the chance. I regret making my cousin lie when I was 12! I regret that I didn’t stop by my grandma’s room when I was allowed to go into my room and get some more of my things when I was in foster care. I regret secluding myself from one foster family that was really nice; though I loved being with them, they thought I didn’t want to be there and moved me again.
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Oct 01

If I Died Today, I Want You To Know…

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If I Died Today, I Want You To Know:

Don’t get into a routine. Routines are work, home, eat, sleep, love, work, home, eat, sleep, love, work…maybe an activity…why? To what benefit? To prepare for death? Why not prepare for death by living life! Don’t love the same way, take vacations, eat out, sleep in, enjoy. Responsibilty does not have to be boring, does not have to make you a dull person, and does not mean that you have to give up all the fun in life. Fun is what you make it.