I will be 31 years old in a few months. This does not depress me at all. I am not one of those women who thinks age is a hindrance or a representative of what I should have been or could be doing. I am not one of those women who thinks XYZ should be happening or already happened. Rather, I am still in awe in how I am ever-changing; I do not settle. I know that I can be better than myself.

Over the years, many have misjudged me; they have assumed they know me or that they know who I am. Reading this blog, one could assume I am a depressed, lost soul. One could assume I am a lovesick puppy who pines over lost love. One could assume that I live in a fantasy world because I prefer it to reality. One could assume I’m a recluse. Solitary. Abandoned.

Obviously, my writings are from my own mind, but they are not necessarily indicative of who I am. I love writing about emotions, love, joy, solitude, fantasy, romanticism, dark, light, and anything I have come into contact over my years. Whether it be a TV show, a good book, a good song, or a real life experience, I make it my own in a way and present it here. The Word Vomit that is my stream of consciousness is fascinating to me at times; I like to see where my thoughts have been and what creatives my mind has conjured in the past. In reading many of my previous posts, I realized some do have a depressive tone, but I am not depressed. Many hint to a lost love, and while I have loved once and now no longer, I pushed them from my life for my own well being. They did not leave me, I left them. I may enjoy fantasy and being alone with my thoughts at times, but I quite enjoy the company of other people. In the right company, I can be very social. I love kicking good conversation (with the occasional facetious tongue) around.

At the end of every year, I like to evaluate who I was at the beginning, how I have changed, and what I would like to change. A sort of preparation for my New Year’s Resolutions I suppose, but since I really don’t make those, I don’t claim them to be those. Lately I have been pondering my bucket list; someone asked me about it a couple of months ago and I had never really thought about it in terms of everyday adventures. For me, my bucket list has been filled with large aspirations: the countries I’d like to visit, the family I’d like to have, the good I’d like to do, the celebrities I’d love to meet, and the big events in which I’d like to participate. I never thought of them in the smaller terms: the Broadway shows I’d like to see, the concerts I’d like to try, the mechanical bull, the kissing in the rain, reading more, doing more, seeing more…I thought I had lived, but I truly haven’t. Not that I thought that I had lived enough; truly, I have never been out of the continental US, and that is a tragedy I aim to remedy soon enough, but I’ve always lived by the mantra that ‘you only live once’ so I try to live.

The truth of the mater is you only die once; you live every day, but what you choose to do with that new day is up to you. I hope in 2013 that I choose to make each day a new day and new chance to experience life and experience experiences.

Things aren’t always what they seem; sometimes you need a second glance. I try to reevaluate myself often; I am not dissatisfied at all with who I am (after all, I am pretty awesome =P), but I know that I can be better than I am. I prove that at the end of every year when I see how much I have grown. I fail myself at times–few and far between usually–but I don’t let my failures dictate the who that I am. I learn from my mistakes. I grow from them. I am not deterred. I am Jennifer.