More often than not lately, I have been having an extreme sense of deja vu. I feel like I have repeated the past few weeks; like I have been here before…done that. I don’t like the feeling of deja vu. It unsettles me; it makes me feel less real. I don’t like to feel so detached from reality. I did a Google search to find out how to stop deja vu or why I feel deja vu so strongly, and I did not find answers that satisfied my curiosity too well. Everyone wants to explain deja vu away as a feeling that people have but is not true. To me, deja vu makes more sense as a reality: why is it impossible that we may have experienced the same experiences before? Why is it so impossible that maybe we are repeating life in hopes to do something better the next time? The only problem I find is that the deja vu only occurs (as true to deja vu form) in the instance of the experience so how can we have any time to change something as it is happening? The deed is done, the feelings had, thoughts thought, and so forth; this is why I don’t like the feeling of deja vu. I’d rather go on in an oblivion as to whether or not I’m doing the same thing over and over doomed to repeat it. My life is not too horrible, but it feels awful to have a feeling that no matter what I do, I may be repeating it again.

Maybe in a parallel universe, they are ahead of the game and I am just now ‘catching up’ so to speak; I feel like I’ve had all these feelings and thoughts (even ‘revelations’) before: the ones I’m outlining here that is. That’s the funny thing too: my deja vu experiences have been moreso in the past month than ever before. Perhaps it is indeed stress, but I don’t feel the stress in my body like I have in the past. I don’t feel weary or like my heart is about to run out of my chest from being too anxious…I feel like I have had enough sleep for the most part and that I will ‘make it’. How can I be stressed? Am I in denial?

Deja vu is not a fun experience; it would be ok if it were the fleeting feeling that others know it to be, but when the majority of your day is spent feeling deja vu, it is not exciting at all. It’s downright miserable. Much of my life I have never felt much deja vu–just the fleeting moments that others experience, but here lately it is all the time and I don’t know what to do about it. I wish I could be hypnotized and it would all go away. I just want the feeling of deja vu to disappear. I want to feel as normal as I think I am; sure, I am not as normal as well-balanced adults, but I’m not as crazy as crazy can be (I know that makes sense). I believe in good and abhor evil; I  genuinely care about people even if I don’t know them at all. I am a good person for the most part (I try my darndest more often than not), and I try to do what is right (according to my belief system of course). Why am I being punished like this? It’s like hell to think that you are repeating life. Repeating everything.

It would be easier to think of deja vu like that (for me anyhow), but that’s not what it supposedly is. Deja vu is caused from things such as anxiety, epilepsy, neurological issues, or misfiring synapses. Deja vu can result from your brain processing the information you see at a fraction of a slower pace than as you are seeing it so it stores the information in the part of the brain for memory…or so I’ve read all across Google. But it doesn’t feel like that; it feels like I have actually experienced every single thing that I have experienced right down to the people I have passed in my day-to-days and the thoughts I have had (apart from the deja vu thoughts…or then maybe I had them too, but I don’t actually know for sure…this feels like the first time I’ve experienced such extreme deja vu anyways…). I don’t have the nausea that others report having along with the deja vu experience. I do wake every morning with a nauseated stomach for the most part, but it fades once I eat breakfast usually; other than that, I don’t have the nausea.

It’s trippy to think about though because there are events that would not take place if not for precursor events. For example, I would not be checking my iPhone this morning for my mail messages and replying to some on my phone if I had not gotten my iPhone last year, but perhaps I would have done it on my Android. Everything else seems so arbitrary really, but it still feels like I’ve been here before and done this. I just don’t know if tomorrow it will stop (though I hope it does) when every day for the past month has felt this way. It’s like my own hell. Why all of a sudden am I experiencing this deja vu so vividly and frequently? I am experiencing with people I have never met in my life (as far as I would know…yet if I’m truly repeating events, then I have indeed met them before…which is the feeling that I get because of the deja vu); and yet the only reason I know it’s not real is because other people are telling me it’s not real. And how do they know for sure???

How do I stop the deja vu? How do I stop feeling deja vu? I want to get rid of the deja vu!!