Category Archives: Musings

Jan 23

My Lie

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I love to learn new things. I love to learn. I love to learn about myself. Or understand myself, really. I like being able to have answers to my questions.

The problem is, I don’t always trust myself either. I am still learning to do that. I am still learning what it means to trust myself and how. I am still learning how to be a healthy-minded adult. The problem is, I can convince myself of something if I keep at it long enough [as I am sure most of us can]. If something doesn’t add up, I have to make it fit. I know that that is a shortcoming of mine that I must overcome as well, but I figure I will do that by effect of learning to trust myself.
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Jan 23

Aquarius-Pisces Cusp

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I am an Aquarius on the cusp of Pisces. I love to read up on Astrology and my sign and what it means in terms of who I am to be on the cusp. It fascinates me that who I am can be defined so well by Astrology.

In reading about my ADHD and again about the cusp and what it means about me, I find that I am who I am. I am defined.
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Jan 22

Compassion

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I love a good story; a well-written script, therefor, applies. I love some shows because of their well-written scripts, and even more because of their well-cast line-ups. Sons of Anarchy is just the well designed melting-pot that keeps me coming back every season.

I recently re-watched the first three seasons, and even knowing what was ‘going to happen next’, I found myself consumed again. I love a show/movie or actor/actresses that can make me believe.
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Jan 20

The Unconditional Love Lie

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In speaking of lies, I began to think about a lie we tell without knowing that it is a lie. The unconditional love lie.

Unconditional love should not exist to begin with except for the love between parent and child; and not even to the point of confusing forgiveness with turning a blind eye. Love is blind, but it shouldn’t always be. When you can’t love yourself, love should not be; THAT love should not be, and it certainly can’t be called ‘unconditional’.
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Jan 13

Own You

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When I was younger, I saw psychiatrists, psychologists, and therapists against my will. It started in 7th grade when my mother started taking my sister and I to see a psychiatrist. We saw that quack for almost 3 years until my mom made it where I could no longer stay in the care of my parents. I don’t know if they still continued to see the quack, but when I went into foster care, I had to see a psychiatrist and/or therapist depending on where I was placed at the time.
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Jan 04

The Mind

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I am fascinated with the human mind. Perhaps because I am constantly aware of many of my short-comings, but can never seem to overcome them. In my head, I know what needs to be done, I just don’t seem to follow through. Or I can’t stop myself. I can’t stop myself from investing in people despite no considerable gains. I can’t stop myself from being an asshole despite knowing that I am indeed an asshole [and therefor should not put myself in more positions to be one]. I can’t stop myself from having to have the truth out there despite knowing that I sound like a child. I can’t stop myself from sounding like a moron despite knowing I in fact sound like a moron. No BS; I sound so stupid sometimes that I just have to stop mid-stupidity just to stop from beating myself up mentally over sounding so stupid.
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