If I died today, I want you to know…

There are three things you should always learn to say (and when):

I love you

Some people have a hard time telling others how they feel. It could be that they were chastised by their parents for expressing themselves when they were younger, and were therefor trained to keep their feelings private. It could be that they don’t actually feel anything for you. It could be that they are just that selfish/self-centered. It could be that they don’t know how to express their feelings.

I read the news now and again, and sometimes pick it up on the radio, but I hear and read about the tragedies that are a life gone too soon. Whether a kid takes his own life from being bullied too long, or a high school star athlete suffers a heart attack, death is not discriminatory. Some kids are born only to die; they are stricken with life threatening disease or cancers or other malformations that we don’t forsee. Not to say that is their purpose by any means, but that death knows no boundaries. Your grandparents will die surely, but you don’t expect to outlive your kids. You hope not to outlive your spouse. You eventually outlive some or many of your friends…

Some get so carried away with saying ‘I love you‘ that they don’t really know what it means to love. ‘I love you‘ should mean something; it shouldn’t be tossed around like ‘hey’ and ‘cya’. But to those who deserve it, you should take every chance to give it to them. Tell your kids you love them every day. Tell your spouse you love them every day. Tell your closest friends and family you love them every time you talk to them.

And mean it.

Actions do speak louder than words. Because in a world that wants to know the truth, the truth we see is often preferred to the truth we hear because it is more tangible. But that doesn’t mean that the words ‘I love you‘ should be said any less or hold any less value; what it means that if you are saying them, you should be supporting them with your actions because that is what it means to love. Loving someone else means you want to show them; you show them with your actions, not your words: I can’t see your words, but I can see your actions.

I’m Sorry

Humility is a hard concept to implement for we are selfish by nature. Selfish has a negative connotation because of those who take selfish to the nature of being self-centered.

See, we have to take care of ourselves. In order to survive, we must be selfish a little. We can’t protect ourselves if we aren’t mindful of ourselves.

Knowing when to be humble and with whom, therefor, is a hard lesson to learn.

But we need to tell people we are sorry. We need to give them resolution in their minds. We need to let them know that it was not them, it was us. We need to let them know that it is ok to fail, but it is not ok to lie. We need to let them know that it is ok to ask for help, but not use us. We need to be truly sorry when we apologize, and if we can use those times to be teaching and learning moments, we can solidify relationships better. Those that cannot be solidified need to be dropped.

We need to say ‘I’m sorry‘ because we need to show others that we love them enough to do so. ‘I’m sorry‘ sometimes means that I was wrong, and that is often why it is hard to say; we don’t like to be wrong. And not everyone is like that; some can be wrong with ease, but most people I have come across hate to be wrong. I do. But when I wrong someone I care about, I love them enough to apologize. Problem is, I do at times say ‘I’m sorry‘ at the wrong things. I may indeed be sorry, but more sorry that whatever it was I did or did not say or do affected someone that poorly. But THAT’S what I should be saying to them; I should be telling them that I’m sorry for how it affected them if that was not my intent. When you apologize, tell them what you are apologizing for; it makes the apology more genuine and shows that you actually cared to listen and see that/where you erred.

I love you should mean never having to say your sorry, but it should also mean that you are willing and able to should you need to. We are imperfect and will fail; we must love others enough to give a genuine apology when our shortcomings shortchange others.

No

People pleasers, spineless, and broken people have a hard time saying no. Jaded dreamers and manipulated lovers have a hard time saying no.

‘No’ has such a negative connotation that we often forget how and when to use it. It is important that we love ourselves enough to set limits on others. It is important that we love ourselves enough not to stretch ourselves thin.

See! We can love ourselves and love others easily if we know these things. We need to know know what and when to say these same things to ourselves. We need to tell ourselves that we love ourselves and show ourselves that we truly do. We need to get up when we fall; we are sorry, but we can do better. We need to learn to say no when our need for instant gratification is stronger than usual.

Once we love ourselves, we can know how to love others.