Tag Archives: life

Jan 02

Love Me Not

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I started the New Year reading. Meds help. I can read more easily, but what I really missed was the fact that I was losing my ability to ‘grasp’ anything anymore. It seems to be coming back. Meds help.

My childhood was not the best; it was not the worst, but it sucked more often than not.

I was an emotional wreck in High School and for a few years after High School because it hurt that I had to go back into Foster Care because the damn system couldn’t place me with a nice family to begin with. I felt robbed. Like no one cared to begin with, and they certainly didn’t care to fix their mistake.

This was true, of course, for both my adopted parents and the ‘system’ in my eyes.
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Oct 29

Fool

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I am no fool. I’m smarter than many people give me credit for and I see more than people give me credit for. I’m tired of people treating me like a child and like I don’t know wtf is going on; I know. I know more than I let on because I know it is a waste of my time and energy otherwise; sometimes I waste the energy to prove a point. I’m not a moron. And I’m tired of being treated like one.

Oct 05

Not Lost, But Not Found

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My problem is not that I am depressed with things I cannot have or things that will never be. It’s that I’m depressed with things that are. I don’t like where I am and I don’t like having regrets.

I regret leaving home, I regret not focusing more on my studies in school, I regret sacrificing for others, I regret missed opportunities, and I regret not acting on my feelings given the chance. I regret making my cousin lie when I was 12! I regret that I didn’t stop by my grandma’s room when I was allowed to go into my room and get some more of my things when I was in foster care. I regret secluding myself from one foster family that was really nice; though I loved being with them, they thought I didn’t want to be there and moved me again.
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Oct 01

If I Died Today, I Want You To Know…

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If I Died Today, I Want You To Know:

Don’t get into a routine. Routines are work, home, eat, sleep, love, work, home, eat, sleep, love, work…maybe an activity…why? To what benefit? To prepare for death? Why not prepare for death by living life! Don’t love the same way, take vacations, eat out, sleep in, enjoy. Responsibilty does not have to be boring, does not have to make you a dull person, and does not mean that you have to give up all the fun in life. Fun is what you make it.

Aug 01

If I Died Today, You Should Know

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If I died today, I would want you to know:

Pay it forward. What are you going to do with something you do nothing with?! If I have to give, I give; why not? You never know when you are going to be in a position to need someone to repay the kindness. And if you never are in that position, you can at least leave this world having helped [change] someone else’s life. You never know the impact you have on someone so why not at least try to make it a positive one? If we all showed random acts of kindness to one another, perhaps we could reverse the perverted nature that we have developed from the sensationlized media that we are consistently exposed to. Perhaps. If I were to die today, I’d want you to know that it couldn’t hurt to try.

Jun 08

I’m Not An Atheist

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I have the mind of an atheist, but Jesus lives in my heart. =]

I do understand the concept of not believing in anything; I understand that the idea of a ‘Creator’ may not be the most logical, scientific approach to the world. I understand that science just may be able to answer all the questions of the world better than ‘God’ can. I understand that religion is riddled with more questions than answers. If I didn’t have a heart for Jesus, I might be able to convince myself that we exist merely to exist.
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